ABSOLUTE AGGRESSION

Absolute Aggression

Absolute Aggression is without a doubt one of the worst movies ever made. When I say this, I don't think that really explains just how bad this movie is. From the very first scene, you can tell that this movie, if you want to call it a 'movie' is going to be one serious absolute piece of crap.

It is the year 2011... a guy smoking a cigarette is arrested in the beginning scene, by the worst dressed 'future cops' (they could only afford one helmet for these guys) and from there it gets progressively worse. I wonder if the people who made this movie ever even saw a movie in their life...or even a porn movie which has better acting. (Virtual Reality 69 has better acting, and a better plot). You think I'm exaggerating, I'm not. The crappiest opening title sequence in history introduces us to the future with a TV news anchor which appears to be filmed in somebody's basement, with like wires and pipes hanging from the ceiling and some shelves behind him, note that he's supposed to be in a 'newsroom' introducing the Prison Game Show... Robert Davi, our 'star' hangs around in a 'virtual reality' control room the whole movie smoking a cigar and is really the only actor in this film with any talent, aside from a couple soft core porn stars who are better actors than the rest of the entire cast. It would seem they are used to cameras, and they seem to know how shit works. Everybody else must be somebody's brother or cousin or son or something. The two main characters are the worst actors in history, and you get the feeling this movie had some money behind it, and lost funding. Half the movie is filmed in a much higher quality picture with totally different production values, while the rest of the movie looks like it was made for a couple hundred bucks. Something must have gone wrong.

The end credits are professional grade movie credits, yet the opening titles look like they were done with some really cheap ass low grade video camera at the local public access studio. This movie is all screwed up. Perhaps a bankrupted film was purchased and re-tooled or some guys found a copy of it at a public access cable studio...

The United Nations has taken control of America, and a group of rebels try to rescue prisoners who are going to be taken to 'virtual reality prison' and play games, while their organs are removed and later sold... the bad actors, then spend the entire movie shooting at eachother in really crappy 'action' scenes with guys in motionless tanks acting as if they are moving. Seriously its like kids made half this movie. The problem is the main villain actor, who needs to be shot for his bad acting has scenes with Robert Davi, and some scenes with Robert Davi look as though they are from an entirely different movie. Then there are scenes with some soft core porn stars where there is some brief nudity (I guess they couldn't afford longer sex scenes or full nudity or something, because this film is really like a bad porn movie with no sex or nudity in it). When the soft core porn stars are on screen, the production value of the sets and costumes gets better, and looks like a different movie, then its back to the public access cable cast and their really cheap-o location filming and props.

It isn't even quite the high quality of an Ed Wood film, this movie not only goes on like the stupidest people in the world made it, with no real plot, and seriously stupid dialogue and horrible special effects, it almost seems like costume-Larpers made it in their backyard on weekends. The virtual reality sequences are so bad, and the acting so bad, you almost cannot believe they dared to release this stinker. There's not much to say of the premise, it tries to be a science fiction movie, but is barely a movie. I can only say you need to see this piece of crap to believe it, the wasted time and talent of Robert Davi and even the soft core porn stars is 'absolutely' sad. I wonder what kind of movie they thought they were in, because they're the only ones trying while all the other people are clueless about how to make a movie.

This is where halfway decent scripts can makeup for a talentless cast. In this case, there's not even anything artistic involved. You seriously can't grasp just how bad this movie is until you see it. I'd like to think I'm being witty in this review, but I'm not, I am actually just trying to describe the actual quality of this 'movie.'

For instance, this movie makes "Expect No Mercy" starring Billy Blanks seem like you're watching "THE MATRIX," and it makes Jean Claude Van Damme's CYBORG seem like INCEPTION.

As I've said before, you can't use the same measuring stick with all movies, but this isn't merely a case of not liking the movie, such as "the plot has holes in it" or a certain actor just wasn't putting out his best, this movie has nothing at all going for it, even by my standards, don't be fooled by the trailer, it doesn't even look as good as that. This is, in all seriousness, a case of somebody who never should have been given a camera, who had some footage of Robert Davi, and convinced somebody to give him a few hundred bucks, which they payed to the soft core porn stars to take off their shirts for a few seconds, and then do nothing, and filmed the rest in his backyard. Its a shame, a god awful shame, because I have seen 'science fiction' pornos with better acting, plots and production value. I'm not joking. Take Emmanuelle 7 for instance, I have no idea what those people were saying in French, but there was a damn plot about virtual reality, and these characters, and they had some good production value, but this Robert Davi thing...is Absolute Shit. There are even much better bad movies to laugh at while drunk. Maybe if you get really drunk, and there's no other movies around to watch, and you're feeling kind of sadistic, pop this crap in the player, and try to grasp what the hell any of those people on screen were thinking, if at all.

Absolute Aggression(1996) - IMDb