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DROID (1988)

DROID (1988)

Ever wonder what it would be like if someone gave a bunch of strippers or porn stars a video camera and they went out and made a science fiction movie on their time off? Well ...this is it. I had no idea what to really expect from this "movie" but well, somebody's got to review these things.

This "movie" appears to have been "filmed" in VHS and edited on two VCRs...really...the "story" if you want to call it that is something about some sort of "Blade Runner" type of cop and some sort of police state, and a couple of Android cops and a whole bunch of drug induced insanity. I am not sure if I can ever really describe this "movie" really at all, since it very obviously was made without a script by, as I said, porn stars on their days off. Most of the "story" takes place inside a strip club, and outside the strip club, in the alleys and inside somebody's apartment. There's something about a 'decoder' that somebody stole and some porn star guy with a mullet who plays "Taylor" a drunken future cop who is either drugged, drunk or stoned most of the time, and it is a series of strip club sequences, a few weird scenes edited together, with often repeating shots of neon signs and people dressed up in costumes, a midget with a puppet, a bunch of weird transvestites, and people dressed up like robots.

This cocaine-fueled, MTV-inspired rip-off of Blade Runner is so senseless and bizarre that I can scarcely explain what the fuck was going on. You think I'm kidding? There are shots in this "movie" which not only make no sense whatsoever, but seem to be a collection of odd recordings of somebody's idea of a plot which probably only makes sense to someone drunk and on cocaine. I will say this, it is very "80s" with its fashions and styles, and it seems to be some sort of really bad attempt at 'pornography.'When I say that, it is as if a couple really dumb porn stars barrowed a VHS camcorder from someone, did a bunch of drugs, filmed a bunch of unthought-out scenes, and gave it to the midget with the puppet to edit on his home VCRs.

It is utterly mindblowing trying to figure out what these people were up to. There are redundant shots of a weird homosexual guy and his tooth shimmering over and over and over, and I have no idea what the hell it means if anything. There are half-

edits of something that looks like it was either taped over, or cut out. The last half of the movie is "Taylor" after being injected with some sort of drugs, and this is where the 'actor' really gets into his part, stumbling around drunk and drooling on himself in the

midst of another strip show. Robots are doing something with UZIs every so often, and saying something that might be jibberish, I don't know, and there's some sort of Ilsa, Fascist looking chick who seems to be in charge of the robots, shit...I have no idea. If Ed Wood, Jr. lived on into the 80s, perhaps he would have made a movie like this. It is astonishing that this 'movie' made it to distribution. Aspiring filmmakers out there may be quite inspired by this 'production' however, and its use as a learning tool is excellent. These inept filmmakers must have been totally on drugs even when editing because even though it is obvious this thing is populated with porn stars or strippers, they can't even manage to edit together a sex scene that has any structure. I wonder where all the original footage went to this video...they probably accidentally taped over it while filming it. This is something you sort of have to see to believe. Trying to make porn while you're on cocaine probably isn't a

good idea. George Lucas was probably not too thrilled that they used the name "Droid" in the title and confiscated all the remaining copies, all except mine, you can have when you pry it from my cold dead fingers Lucas! There are scarcely any VHS copies left available anywhere, but you can still get one here.

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