THE PROTECTOR

THE PROTECTOR (1997)

Virtual Reality, the Mafia, Lee Majors...what kind of movie is this? I can't say that I really know, but it was a little bizarre. Here's the story: Ed Marinaro is some sort of underground bodyguard for women who are being threatened by ex-boyfriends, ex-husbands, stalkers and rapists. They 'put out the word' on the Internet, and his seemingly artificially intelligent computer named "Gertrude" finds them and he's on the case. He's an 'ex-government' killer, a vigilante protector by night and virtual reality designer by day. He uses his virtual reality to train in martial arts, and to re-live his former relationship with his dead wife. This is one strange guy who calls himself "Gabriel."

Now--enter Lifetime movie of the week plot: Kate Rodger has sex with a mafia guy who owns a restaurant, and the next day she goes out with a co-worker, at his restaurant! Cheatin' whore! (But its her life...) So MAFIA DUDE gets really angry and kills her co-worker. The cops are useless as always, which is why "Gabriel" is there to help. One of her female co-workers tells her she 'knows this guy' on the internet... MAFIA DUDE is psychotic and wants her back, even after he killed her other boyfriend. He sends his goons out to kidnap her but she is saved by "Gabriel." He takes her back to his place and trains her how to shoot and fight with his V.R. system he has created. MAFIA DUDE hires Lee Majors, whose name happens to be "Austin" to kill Ed Marinaro, who happens to be one of his ex-team members...

The thing is, the only 'plot' in this movie is the Lifetime movie of the week romance between Kate Rodger and Ed Marinaro, which takes up most of the movie. He's depressed about his wife being killed by a rapist, he helps women, he's such a nice guy who used to be a killer for the government...but he's into V.R. Who wrote this movie? It seems like a TV movie, but has lots of nudity and people say "fuck" a lot. Perhaps this was an old TV Pilot script that was laying around and somebody bought it for a couple hundred bucks. Sometimes you wonder just how a movie like this gets made. It has the pacing of a TV movie, the production value of a Cinemax soft-core porn movie, with appropriate stars, and Lee Majors?? I don't get the Lee Majors part. I don't get the virtual reality part, because in the end the only purpose it serves (which doesn't make a whole lot of sense) is that at the end, his computer, Gertrude, saves him by creating holographic cops as a diversion when he's about to get killed in his house. Although, up to that point in the movie, there was nothing about holograms, only virtual reality--with goggles. So what did they need goggles for if his computer could create such lifelike holographic people? Don't ask me, ask the writers. There's nothing else to it, perhaps the original script was merely about this vigilante protector guy, and this girl who 'falls in love with him' and some producer said, "Hey, that V.R. stuff is really hot right now...put that in there, have him do virtual reality stuff." It serves absolutely no purpose in this movie, other than to show our weird protagonist remember his wife. Not to mention, it is all done in a matter-of-fact sort of way, as if 'virtual reality' was even a reality, there's no other explaination, no reason for it, and it really has nothing to do with the plot whatsoever. This movie isn't about anything at all, except a weird love story about this creepy guy and this dumb chick who hooked up with some guy in the mafia. The fight scenes are seriously bad, poorly filmed, sometimes people get punched and there's no sound effect, and sometimes there is, but every time, it's like watching people practicing for a fight scene.

I'm still asking myself...Lee Majors? Why is he in this movie? Why him? He doesn't really do anything, he's only in a couple scenes, there really is no point, other than perhaps they felt they needed another familiar name to add to this strange mix of weirdness which was already bizarre and pointless. You get to see Lee Majors light up a cigar, drink a beer before he's about to go kill Ed Marinaro, and say "what's with this fuckin funhouse shit?" Which happens to be the best line in the movie. Who thought mixing science fiction (virtual reality, something which really didn't exist as portrayed in this movie) with a cliched movie-of-the-week plot that could have been a boring episode of The Equalizer, combined with Cinemax late night soft core porn? This is a weird one boys and girls, that boggles my mind. I just don't get the virtual reality stuff. It isn't as if they're trying to say anything with it, and he's a guy who has a talking computer. It isn't "the future" or anything...at least they don't really say, it makes no sense. The 'virtual reality' scenes and effects aren't really all that terrible, at least they're better than EXPECT NO MERCY. When he's training the girl, he's altered himself to look like some sleazy fat guy, who says "I know you like it from behind," and taunts her with sleazy remarks until she shoots him with her virtual gun in the balls. I guess the value of this movie is the following: Ed Marinaro playing with virtual reality for no reason, hearing Lee Majors swear, girls taking off their clothes, and that's about it, this is one helpless movie. It really isn't that funny either.

I think the reason it seems like a TV pilot is because the set-up for Marinaro's character is like for an 80's TV Hero character like Macgyver or Equalizer, only his gimmick is that he has a talking computer and he designs virtual reality. Lee Majors is bad guy guest star of the week, the story of the week is chick who falls in love with him, and he has to let go of his dead wife. Add breasts and swearing and you've got a "movie." Maybe some TV writers shouldn't try writing movie scripts, because this one is terrible. The writer also produced, maybe that explains it. I can't say I hated this movie outright, I wanted to see where all of this was going, and ultimately, no further than an 80s TV episode would go, it has very little going for it, other than its absurdity level. This movie is currently only available on VHS, so it will sit there in the Virtual Reality Museum as probably the only VR movie that had no business having VR in the movie, for any reason. Maybe it will end up on one of those Echo Bridge Sci-Fi DVD 4-packs. It's cheesy and ultimately the worst combination of genres one could possibly watch...I'll say it again, I just don't get it.